Neighbour's envy, owner's pride: Published articles/agencyfaqs 3

Article in agencyfaqs, Nov 13, 06

Neighbour's envy, owner's pride

A couple of months ago, I was talking to a group of men, asking why STATUS was such an important thing in a man’s life, and how did it matter which car stood outside their house?

Said one consumer, very succinctly: “Uski shirt meri shirt se safed kaise? Yeh to India ka mentality hai”! (How's his shirt whiter than mine... this is India's mentality)

To be fair on all of us, it is a human and worldwide “mentality”, but we Indians do manage to find our own unique ways to put this into our ads. Again and again and again. And again.

A very old landmark tamil film song, “aduthathu Ambujam”, was all about “next house Ambujam”. The wife asks the husband if he has noticed the love between the couple next door, and all the gifts that he was bringing her. How, for every fight and every “making up”, she got a new saree, and a silk one at that.

From next house Ambujam to the lady on the Moods bike to Shalini Chopra who is painting her house anew: for all our liberalisation and globalisation and individualisation, we really haven’t changed much after all.

This whole business of neighbours envy, owners pride is indeed a devilish thing, for we Indians are always watching “saamne wale khidki”. Sunil Babu’s neighbours can keep track of him for years, whereas the arrival of Santro-wale next door, can be a cause for marital distraction, and marital tit- for-tat.

Remember the boy who was dropped off in a scooter and felt bad because the other boy arrived in a Maruti 800? Well, daddy now has a “beeeg” car. “Uska gaadi meri gaadi se badi kaise” certainly drives the entire car upgradation syndrome. “Uska bachcha mere bachche se mota kaise” is the top-of-mind feeling in a paediatrician’s waiting room. “Uska beta mere bete se aage kaise” is the top-of-mind feeling at a PTA. “Uska computer mera computer se fast kaise” and “uska mobile mera mobile se advanced kaise” seems to be the topic of many an airport conversation.

Close-up might as well ask “uske daanth mere daanth se safed kaise?” And Fair and Lovely Menz Active might as well use the line “uski skin meri skin se safed kaise?”

“What will four people say?” is part of this “India ka mentality”. And we never really listened to Rajesh Khanna in Amar Prem, telling us to ignore such talk…“kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna”.

The boy in the corridor who mistook you for “auntie” depending on whether or not you “dyed” your hair (before it was fashionably called colouring); the postman who refused to believe you were the master of the house because you had distemper and not emulsion on your walls; not to mention all those girls you didn’t get, because the other guy had no dandruff.

And if parents are into it, can kids be far behind? The boy who answered all the questions in class, till the other boy also got Golden Eye technology. The boy who confidently ate ice creams and chocolates till the other boy’s mother also discovered Pepsodent. The girl with rough skin, till her mother discovered Vaseline. The girl who was princess in the school play till the other mother also discovered… now which shampoo was that? The girl who had lice while the other girl didn’t, the boy who sneezed when he got wet while the other boy didn’t… our mentality doesn’t seem to have changed much, as girls and boys are still asking “Mummy Complan nahin pilayi?”

Today, even tea can make you better or worse than the other guy. And a bridegroom may miss his own wedding, because he has to run a mile to hide his black and white mobile phone.

And as if it was not enough to keep watch through the khidki, we now have telescopes - to keep tabs on, of all things, paint. Aren’t you dying to know which paint your neighbours are using? But of course, once you have a telescope, depending on your point of view, you could use it to watch more interesting things like opposite house Ambujam undressing.

If it is any consolation, “status anxiety” happens at the highest levels too. Unka Hussain hamare Hussain se mehenga kaise? Unki beti ki shaadi, meri beti ki shaadi se grand kaise? Uska private jet mera private jet se behtar kaise?

It was one thing to read about “Keeping up with the Joneses” and “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” as part of Wren and Martin phrases and idioms. It was one thing to hear a hundred movie dialogues on “khandaan ki izzat”. But to see it driving markets, creating anxieties, and becoming the punctuations by which we judge our lives, is quite another.

In this never-ending endeavour to blend in, keep pace and stay with the herd, are we losing our ability to even know what we actually are and how we truly want to live?

Or is it all ok, because jealousy, and the fear of getting left behind is what drives us to do better, aim higher, and improve the quality of our lives? Even, to stretch a point, realize our potential?

Or is it, like everything else in Indian philosophy, a matter of balance?

Argumentative Indians that we are, we could debate these questions forever.

Meanwhile, let us all just keep our shirt, our socks, our teeth, our skin and whatever else we need to stay ahead, more “safed” (white) than the next guy’s.