Article in The Times of India, Nov 3, 07
The other day a visit to the temple taught me something about innovative media, and surprising touch points: the small, three inches by two inches kumkum paper packets were branded! They had an advertising message! While one part of me thought “Wow, what an idea”, the other part thought, “Oh My God” (literally!). I always knew God was omnipotent, but THIS omnipotent? What are we as an industry DOING? Cutting through clutter or adding more clutter?
Think about it. Every bit of a cricket ground – the green, the stumps, the bats, the shirts, the caps, the shoes, the bags, the umpire, the scoreboard, the commentators. But you know, there are still some exciting opportunities left. The pocket! The pockets are still available. Their shirt pockets should be branded - by a bank. “ABC Bank: We line your pockets”. What about inside the team bus? Some wealth management company should take that. What about the sunburn paint-like cream on their face? In fact, the cheeks should be sponsored by a men’s fairness cream. What about the foreheads? Waiting to be taken by someone who can say “We change your destiny”. And why only tangible, animate things. Why not the inanimate? Yes, we can call it Inanimate Marketing. Inanimate Marketing is the opportunity for brands to associate with feelings and emotions – after all, finally, a brand needs feelings and emotions, not just bats and stumps. “This feeling controlled by Gussa Anger Management Associates”. The “Spirit of Aggression” – brought to you by High Spirits Whisky. Oh no, that’s not allowed. And feelings of loss too. “Feeling lost? Coping Systems Pvt Ltd”.
What about tennis? Is the gut of the racket and the net coloured in a way so as to reveal some brand name? Chess: the squares in the chess board should be branded by “Checked Shirts Inc: Checks to attract Mates”.
There is so much space left in airports still. Only the walls, the luggage belts, the escalators, the tickets, the newspapers, the buses, the aerobridge and the food has been taken. Microsoft should take the windows in aircrafts. A furnishing brand gets the seat covers of course. Or a recruitment ad “Are you sitting in the hot seat?”. An insurance brand can take the blankets and pillows: peace of mind. A sore throat remedy can take the pilot’s voice. And I just read today that there are new medicines for phobias, including flying phobia. Another fabulous opportunity for Inanimate Marketing! “This fear relieved by Banish Nasal Spray”. And should the landing be a close shave… well a close shave must take it, isn’t it?
What about Parliament? Nobody has thought of branding Parliament sessions. What an amazing new media innovation. And why not new born babies? When new born babies are first brought to their mother, they should be tagged with baby product brands. But that’s only if they are willing to pay more than the bank, the insurance company, the telecom company and the printer brand.
Oh My God! So many opportunities still left. I’m starting a new company: Omnipotent Media Marketing Pvt Ltd. What you didn’t know was this article was as ad for that company. HA! Innovative or intrusive? If you feel angry and are against Intrusive Marketing call 1100; if you feel happy and are all for Innovative Marketing call 2200; if you feel this needs further debate call Big Fight Marketing at 3300. If you want to escape from all this nonsense, no problem. SMS Escape to 4400.
Showing posts with label Indian advertising. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Indian advertising. Show all posts
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Saturday, August 4, 2007
The Un-boxing of India: Published articles/TOI 2
Article in the Times of India, Mar 7, 07
The Un-boxing of India
Branding, news and entertainment merge
as we open many Windows in our daily lives and live with multiple ids
There was a question in KBC the other day on the name of the cow that features in a Cadburys ad – and a majority of the audience got it right. As a man in a focus group said a few days later, “yeh kya hai, general knowledge hai ya Cadburys ke liye ad hai - sab jagah ghusa dethe hain”. A lively discussion followed on whether advertising and brand messages were becoming intrusive, or a more integral part of our lives and therefore unavoidable. While Amitabh Bachchan as a father releases an ad for Guru, an engagement is announced on the day of the premier… “personal life ko publicity bana dethe hain” they said, with all due respect to the great man.
A news channel went hoarse selling Parzania – was that a genuine interest in Gujarat, good advertising and a “media partner” deal for Parzania or the heroine’s PR consultant at work? One role, and she is recast as a reinvented activist. Did KANK really raise issues in public consciousness, or was it just “good PR”? As Shah Rukh Khan himself pointed out in a recent interview on television, the celebrities get the publicity, the TV channel gets its viewership, news and entertainment blend in and out, you don’t know when one ends and the other begins. Content becomes advertising, advertising becomes content.
Just look at a few more examples of all kinds of “un-boxing” all around us.
* Beyond celebrities, we’ve now seen media becomes judge and jury, citizens become media.
* Look at the world of products and services. Health is now not just health and hospitals, but health and spirituality, health and tourism, health and psychology, health and music, health and beauty, health and dance, health and sports. Health, fitness, spirituality and tourism get into each other’s boxes. Spiritual plus music is another box, music and mobiles is a whole new box. There’s tourism and adventure, tourism and HR (corporate outbound tours), tourism and spirituality, tourism and sports, besides plain good old tourism – holiday and sight seeing. Television and telecom create a new box together on the sms front, turning audience participation into nationwide news.
* Take brand benefits and Corporate Social Responsibility. ITC’s Sunfeast ad and the Ashirwad atta ad implies that a responsible company makes it, and you’ll be helping somebody if you bought the product, rather than urging you to buy the product because it is differentiated and delivers on a benefit. Different from the Surf Save Water and the Lifebuoy street cleaning ad which had strong Corporate Social Responsibility overtones, but were still rooted in a product attribute.
* Take the world of art and music. Artists combine painting with photography, cartoons, sculpture, industrial junk and kitsch. Art is corporatised, art is investment. Music, dance and drama merge to deliver new entertainment forms. Musicians are going beyond the concert platform into research, education, talent hunt, and even writing. A recent music book launch included a film on music, a reading of excerpts by theater professionals and auctioning of the first copy for a cause.
* Companies are now having to train employees not just in their area of operation, but language and culture - Wipro’s Shimpo programme teaches cultural codes, social conduct, business etiquette, and night life in Japan. HR, PR, and CSR are un-boxing themselves to build the corporate brand, as much as takeovers, CEO hobbies, Page 3 and the corporate wife.
All this is both cause and effect of many key aspects of brand building today –particularly segmentation, payoffs and media choice.
Take as just one example, the blurring of segments in cars. It is no more just hatches, sedans, SUVs and so on… but hatches, hot hatches, premium hatches, city SUVs, look-like SUVs and real SUVs.
With pricing, and value propositions going criss-cross across segments - and the consequent overlapping of payoffs – economy brands promising class, classy brands promising economy, who’ll-buy-what-when-and-why will soon be anybody’s guess.
Media plans therefore stretch from advertisements to placement of questions in quizzes, and everything in between.
Perhaps all this unboxing is nowhere more evident than in our personal lives - reflective of the multiple roles, and the increasing juggling that we are all trying to cope with - the many Windows of our individual lives as it were. Multiple ids are driving the personalities of both brands and people today.
The Un-boxing of India
Branding, news and entertainment merge
as we open many Windows in our daily lives and live with multiple ids
There was a question in KBC the other day on the name of the cow that features in a Cadburys ad – and a majority of the audience got it right. As a man in a focus group said a few days later, “yeh kya hai, general knowledge hai ya Cadburys ke liye ad hai - sab jagah ghusa dethe hain”. A lively discussion followed on whether advertising and brand messages were becoming intrusive, or a more integral part of our lives and therefore unavoidable. While Amitabh Bachchan as a father releases an ad for Guru, an engagement is announced on the day of the premier… “personal life ko publicity bana dethe hain” they said, with all due respect to the great man.
A news channel went hoarse selling Parzania – was that a genuine interest in Gujarat, good advertising and a “media partner” deal for Parzania or the heroine’s PR consultant at work? One role, and she is recast as a reinvented activist. Did KANK really raise issues in public consciousness, or was it just “good PR”? As Shah Rukh Khan himself pointed out in a recent interview on television, the celebrities get the publicity, the TV channel gets its viewership, news and entertainment blend in and out, you don’t know when one ends and the other begins. Content becomes advertising, advertising becomes content.
Just look at a few more examples of all kinds of “un-boxing” all around us.
* Beyond celebrities, we’ve now seen media becomes judge and jury, citizens become media.
* Look at the world of products and services. Health is now not just health and hospitals, but health and spirituality, health and tourism, health and psychology, health and music, health and beauty, health and dance, health and sports. Health, fitness, spirituality and tourism get into each other’s boxes. Spiritual plus music is another box, music and mobiles is a whole new box. There’s tourism and adventure, tourism and HR (corporate outbound tours), tourism and spirituality, tourism and sports, besides plain good old tourism – holiday and sight seeing. Television and telecom create a new box together on the sms front, turning audience participation into nationwide news.
* Take brand benefits and Corporate Social Responsibility. ITC’s Sunfeast ad and the Ashirwad atta ad implies that a responsible company makes it, and you’ll be helping somebody if you bought the product, rather than urging you to buy the product because it is differentiated and delivers on a benefit. Different from the Surf Save Water and the Lifebuoy street cleaning ad which had strong Corporate Social Responsibility overtones, but were still rooted in a product attribute.
* Take the world of art and music. Artists combine painting with photography, cartoons, sculpture, industrial junk and kitsch. Art is corporatised, art is investment. Music, dance and drama merge to deliver new entertainment forms. Musicians are going beyond the concert platform into research, education, talent hunt, and even writing. A recent music book launch included a film on music, a reading of excerpts by theater professionals and auctioning of the first copy for a cause.
* Companies are now having to train employees not just in their area of operation, but language and culture - Wipro’s Shimpo programme teaches cultural codes, social conduct, business etiquette, and night life in Japan. HR, PR, and CSR are un-boxing themselves to build the corporate brand, as much as takeovers, CEO hobbies, Page 3 and the corporate wife.
All this is both cause and effect of many key aspects of brand building today –particularly segmentation, payoffs and media choice.
Take as just one example, the blurring of segments in cars. It is no more just hatches, sedans, SUVs and so on… but hatches, hot hatches, premium hatches, city SUVs, look-like SUVs and real SUVs.
With pricing, and value propositions going criss-cross across segments - and the consequent overlapping of payoffs – economy brands promising class, classy brands promising economy, who’ll-buy-what-when-and-why will soon be anybody’s guess.
Media plans therefore stretch from advertisements to placement of questions in quizzes, and everything in between.
Perhaps all this unboxing is nowhere more evident than in our personal lives - reflective of the multiple roles, and the increasing juggling that we are all trying to cope with - the many Windows of our individual lives as it were. Multiple ids are driving the personalities of both brands and people today.
The more global the Indian, the more national the Indian?: Published articles/TOI 1
Article in the Times of India, Feb 24 07
The more global the Indian,
the more national the Indian?
Have you noticed the ad on TV where the Indian boatman leaves the West Indian couple high and dry, mid waters, demonstrating that it is “tough being a West Indian in India”? And another one on similar lines where an Indian tiger – if tigers have nationalities – makes it difficult for traveling Sri Lankans? A far cry from the Indian hospitality theory of Athithi Devo Bhavah - both the ads have run into some trouble with the authorities. But given that advertising always mirrors socio-cultural change, these ads clearly reflect new-found Indian aggression.
In contrast, the unassuming, unlikely Indian who is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company in Wall Street but does not have a Parker pen - much to Amitabh Bachchan’s affectionate distress - is warm and funny, telling us that we can still laugh at ourselves. As also the ad where Yuvraj Singh has taught West Indians all there is to teach about Indian food and song and dance.
To be fair, it is not so much the ads, but the newspaper headlines that set the tone: Indra Nooyi does not just become CEO of Pepsi, she “unfurls the Indian tricolour in Pepsi headquarters”. NIIT does not just grow to 160 centers in China, it “teaches China a lesson”. It is not just that Shilpa Shetty wins, “chicken curry rules”. Tatas don’t just acquire Corus, they “land the killer punch”. They don’t just outbid CSN, “bhangra knocks samba off the floor”. B Muthuraman and team are not just the top management team, they are “knights of the roundtable”. And it’s not just in the headlines, it creeps into every other paragraph too. So the Tata Steel balance sheet does not just have space for loans – they “have a lever from which they can move the earth.” Clear proof that the more western our lifestyle gets and the more global we become, the greater the arousal of cultural nationalism too.
Gone is the quiet charm of the Pond’s girl who learnt to speak English but chose to speak in Hindi even as she won the international beauty contest. It was all about how India could absorb the new without displacing the old. We seem to have traveled quite some distance from the whole world chanting the gayatri, as in the Videocon ad, or the whole world saying namaste, as in the British Airways commercial. A long way indeed from cartoons on Santa being outsourced and articles titled “White House Bangalored”.
It was one thing to feel mildly pleased that the world was picking up bits of Indian values and images, but quite something else to aggressively say that India can teach the world a lesson or two. Is there something happening here that is changing our character fundamentally? Is it really happening, or is it just the flavour of the day, of the English speaking corporate world and elite media?
A Research International Observer study classifies countries on global/national - individualist/collectivist axes and identifies four types. 1) The Cultural Individualist - such as France, Australia and the USA, who combine a great deal of national/ cultural pride with strong individualistic values. 2) The Global Individualist - Scandinavian nations, the Netherlands and Belgium, with a relatively low interest or pride in their own culture, and correspondingly an openness to the world. 3) The Global Sensitives - Argentina, Zimbabwe and Chile open to the world in a collectivist way, where making connections through global brands is often more important than pride in their own culture. 4) The Cultural Sensitives - collectivist markets such as Mexico or India – where consumers expect global brands to understand and respect their culture, and when possible, adapt to local situations in both product and communication.
At the risk of sounding like an amateur sociologist, are we going from Cultural Sensitive to Cultural Individualist? Or are we moving bang to the center point of the map, combining global desires with strong cultural nationalism, collective spirit that also celebrates individualism? Combining like only India can, “Like this, Like that’ as the KitKat ad said.
The Rajnigandha ad where the hero wants to buy the East India Company because “they ruled us for 200 years, now it is our turn” seemed an over-statement for a paan masala. But today a newspaper headline could well declare “Chaba ke dekho: Ratan and Shilpa make the English chew their hat”.
The more global the Indian,
the more national the Indian?
Have you noticed the ad on TV where the Indian boatman leaves the West Indian couple high and dry, mid waters, demonstrating that it is “tough being a West Indian in India”? And another one on similar lines where an Indian tiger – if tigers have nationalities – makes it difficult for traveling Sri Lankans? A far cry from the Indian hospitality theory of Athithi Devo Bhavah - both the ads have run into some trouble with the authorities. But given that advertising always mirrors socio-cultural change, these ads clearly reflect new-found Indian aggression.
In contrast, the unassuming, unlikely Indian who is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company in Wall Street but does not have a Parker pen - much to Amitabh Bachchan’s affectionate distress - is warm and funny, telling us that we can still laugh at ourselves. As also the ad where Yuvraj Singh has taught West Indians all there is to teach about Indian food and song and dance.
To be fair, it is not so much the ads, but the newspaper headlines that set the tone: Indra Nooyi does not just become CEO of Pepsi, she “unfurls the Indian tricolour in Pepsi headquarters”. NIIT does not just grow to 160 centers in China, it “teaches China a lesson”. It is not just that Shilpa Shetty wins, “chicken curry rules”. Tatas don’t just acquire Corus, they “land the killer punch”. They don’t just outbid CSN, “bhangra knocks samba off the floor”. B Muthuraman and team are not just the top management team, they are “knights of the roundtable”. And it’s not just in the headlines, it creeps into every other paragraph too. So the Tata Steel balance sheet does not just have space for loans – they “have a lever from which they can move the earth.” Clear proof that the more western our lifestyle gets and the more global we become, the greater the arousal of cultural nationalism too.
Gone is the quiet charm of the Pond’s girl who learnt to speak English but chose to speak in Hindi even as she won the international beauty contest. It was all about how India could absorb the new without displacing the old. We seem to have traveled quite some distance from the whole world chanting the gayatri, as in the Videocon ad, or the whole world saying namaste, as in the British Airways commercial. A long way indeed from cartoons on Santa being outsourced and articles titled “White House Bangalored”.
It was one thing to feel mildly pleased that the world was picking up bits of Indian values and images, but quite something else to aggressively say that India can teach the world a lesson or two. Is there something happening here that is changing our character fundamentally? Is it really happening, or is it just the flavour of the day, of the English speaking corporate world and elite media?
A Research International Observer study classifies countries on global/national - individualist/collectivist axes and identifies four types. 1) The Cultural Individualist - such as France, Australia and the USA, who combine a great deal of national/ cultural pride with strong individualistic values. 2) The Global Individualist - Scandinavian nations, the Netherlands and Belgium, with a relatively low interest or pride in their own culture, and correspondingly an openness to the world. 3) The Global Sensitives - Argentina, Zimbabwe and Chile open to the world in a collectivist way, where making connections through global brands is often more important than pride in their own culture. 4) The Cultural Sensitives - collectivist markets such as Mexico or India – where consumers expect global brands to understand and respect their culture, and when possible, adapt to local situations in both product and communication.
At the risk of sounding like an amateur sociologist, are we going from Cultural Sensitive to Cultural Individualist? Or are we moving bang to the center point of the map, combining global desires with strong cultural nationalism, collective spirit that also celebrates individualism? Combining like only India can, “Like this, Like that’ as the KitKat ad said.
The Rajnigandha ad where the hero wants to buy the East India Company because “they ruled us for 200 years, now it is our turn” seemed an over-statement for a paan masala. But today a newspaper headline could well declare “Chaba ke dekho: Ratan and Shilpa make the English chew their hat”.
Neighbour's envy, owner's pride: Published articles/agencyfaqs 3
Article in agencyfaqs, Nov 13, 06
Neighbour's envy, owner's pride
A couple of months ago, I was talking to a group of men, asking why STATUS was such an important thing in a man’s life, and how did it matter which car stood outside their house?
Said one consumer, very succinctly: “Uski shirt meri shirt se safed kaise? Yeh to India ka mentality hai”! (How's his shirt whiter than mine... this is India's mentality)
To be fair on all of us, it is a human and worldwide “mentality”, but we Indians do manage to find our own unique ways to put this into our ads. Again and again and again. And again.
A very old landmark tamil film song, “aduthathu Ambujam”, was all about “next house Ambujam”. The wife asks the husband if he has noticed the love between the couple next door, and all the gifts that he was bringing her. How, for every fight and every “making up”, she got a new saree, and a silk one at that.
From next house Ambujam to the lady on the Moods bike to Shalini Chopra who is painting her house anew: for all our liberalisation and globalisation and individualisation, we really haven’t changed much after all.
This whole business of neighbours envy, owners pride is indeed a devilish thing, for we Indians are always watching “saamne wale khidki”. Sunil Babu’s neighbours can keep track of him for years, whereas the arrival of Santro-wale next door, can be a cause for marital distraction, and marital tit- for-tat.
Remember the boy who was dropped off in a scooter and felt bad because the other boy arrived in a Maruti 800? Well, daddy now has a “beeeg” car. “Uska gaadi meri gaadi se badi kaise” certainly drives the entire car upgradation syndrome. “Uska bachcha mere bachche se mota kaise” is the top-of-mind feeling in a paediatrician’s waiting room. “Uska beta mere bete se aage kaise” is the top-of-mind feeling at a PTA. “Uska computer mera computer se fast kaise” and “uska mobile mera mobile se advanced kaise” seems to be the topic of many an airport conversation.
Close-up might as well ask “uske daanth mere daanth se safed kaise?” And Fair and Lovely Menz Active might as well use the line “uski skin meri skin se safed kaise?”
“What will four people say?” is part of this “India ka mentality”. And we never really listened to Rajesh Khanna in Amar Prem, telling us to ignore such talk…“kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna”.
The boy in the corridor who mistook you for “auntie” depending on whether or not you “dyed” your hair (before it was fashionably called colouring); the postman who refused to believe you were the master of the house because you had distemper and not emulsion on your walls; not to mention all those girls you didn’t get, because the other guy had no dandruff.
And if parents are into it, can kids be far behind? The boy who answered all the questions in class, till the other boy also got Golden Eye technology. The boy who confidently ate ice creams and chocolates till the other boy’s mother also discovered Pepsodent. The girl with rough skin, till her mother discovered Vaseline. The girl who was princess in the school play till the other mother also discovered… now which shampoo was that? The girl who had lice while the other girl didn’t, the boy who sneezed when he got wet while the other boy didn’t… our mentality doesn’t seem to have changed much, as girls and boys are still asking “Mummy Complan nahin pilayi?”
Today, even tea can make you better or worse than the other guy. And a bridegroom may miss his own wedding, because he has to run a mile to hide his black and white mobile phone.
And as if it was not enough to keep watch through the khidki, we now have telescopes - to keep tabs on, of all things, paint. Aren’t you dying to know which paint your neighbours are using? But of course, once you have a telescope, depending on your point of view, you could use it to watch more interesting things like opposite house Ambujam undressing.
If it is any consolation, “status anxiety” happens at the highest levels too. Unka Hussain hamare Hussain se mehenga kaise? Unki beti ki shaadi, meri beti ki shaadi se grand kaise? Uska private jet mera private jet se behtar kaise?
It was one thing to read about “Keeping up with the Joneses” and “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” as part of Wren and Martin phrases and idioms. It was one thing to hear a hundred movie dialogues on “khandaan ki izzat”. But to see it driving markets, creating anxieties, and becoming the punctuations by which we judge our lives, is quite another.
In this never-ending endeavour to blend in, keep pace and stay with the herd, are we losing our ability to even know what we actually are and how we truly want to live?
Or is it all ok, because jealousy, and the fear of getting left behind is what drives us to do better, aim higher, and improve the quality of our lives? Even, to stretch a point, realize our potential?
Or is it, like everything else in Indian philosophy, a matter of balance?
Argumentative Indians that we are, we could debate these questions forever.
Meanwhile, let us all just keep our shirt, our socks, our teeth, our skin and whatever else we need to stay ahead, more “safed” (white) than the next guy’s.
Neighbour's envy, owner's pride
A couple of months ago, I was talking to a group of men, asking why STATUS was such an important thing in a man’s life, and how did it matter which car stood outside their house?
Said one consumer, very succinctly: “Uski shirt meri shirt se safed kaise? Yeh to India ka mentality hai”! (How's his shirt whiter than mine... this is India's mentality)
To be fair on all of us, it is a human and worldwide “mentality”, but we Indians do manage to find our own unique ways to put this into our ads. Again and again and again. And again.
A very old landmark tamil film song, “aduthathu Ambujam”, was all about “next house Ambujam”. The wife asks the husband if he has noticed the love between the couple next door, and all the gifts that he was bringing her. How, for every fight and every “making up”, she got a new saree, and a silk one at that.
From next house Ambujam to the lady on the Moods bike to Shalini Chopra who is painting her house anew: for all our liberalisation and globalisation and individualisation, we really haven’t changed much after all.
This whole business of neighbours envy, owners pride is indeed a devilish thing, for we Indians are always watching “saamne wale khidki”. Sunil Babu’s neighbours can keep track of him for years, whereas the arrival of Santro-wale next door, can be a cause for marital distraction, and marital tit- for-tat.
Remember the boy who was dropped off in a scooter and felt bad because the other boy arrived in a Maruti 800? Well, daddy now has a “beeeg” car. “Uska gaadi meri gaadi se badi kaise” certainly drives the entire car upgradation syndrome. “Uska bachcha mere bachche se mota kaise” is the top-of-mind feeling in a paediatrician’s waiting room. “Uska beta mere bete se aage kaise” is the top-of-mind feeling at a PTA. “Uska computer mera computer se fast kaise” and “uska mobile mera mobile se advanced kaise” seems to be the topic of many an airport conversation.
Close-up might as well ask “uske daanth mere daanth se safed kaise?” And Fair and Lovely Menz Active might as well use the line “uski skin meri skin se safed kaise?”
“What will four people say?” is part of this “India ka mentality”. And we never really listened to Rajesh Khanna in Amar Prem, telling us to ignore such talk…“kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna”.
The boy in the corridor who mistook you for “auntie” depending on whether or not you “dyed” your hair (before it was fashionably called colouring); the postman who refused to believe you were the master of the house because you had distemper and not emulsion on your walls; not to mention all those girls you didn’t get, because the other guy had no dandruff.
And if parents are into it, can kids be far behind? The boy who answered all the questions in class, till the other boy also got Golden Eye technology. The boy who confidently ate ice creams and chocolates till the other boy’s mother also discovered Pepsodent. The girl with rough skin, till her mother discovered Vaseline. The girl who was princess in the school play till the other mother also discovered… now which shampoo was that? The girl who had lice while the other girl didn’t, the boy who sneezed when he got wet while the other boy didn’t… our mentality doesn’t seem to have changed much, as girls and boys are still asking “Mummy Complan nahin pilayi?”
Today, even tea can make you better or worse than the other guy. And a bridegroom may miss his own wedding, because he has to run a mile to hide his black and white mobile phone.
And as if it was not enough to keep watch through the khidki, we now have telescopes - to keep tabs on, of all things, paint. Aren’t you dying to know which paint your neighbours are using? But of course, once you have a telescope, depending on your point of view, you could use it to watch more interesting things like opposite house Ambujam undressing.
If it is any consolation, “status anxiety” happens at the highest levels too. Unka Hussain hamare Hussain se mehenga kaise? Unki beti ki shaadi, meri beti ki shaadi se grand kaise? Uska private jet mera private jet se behtar kaise?
It was one thing to read about “Keeping up with the Joneses” and “When in Rome, do as the Romans do” as part of Wren and Martin phrases and idioms. It was one thing to hear a hundred movie dialogues on “khandaan ki izzat”. But to see it driving markets, creating anxieties, and becoming the punctuations by which we judge our lives, is quite another.
In this never-ending endeavour to blend in, keep pace and stay with the herd, are we losing our ability to even know what we actually are and how we truly want to live?
Or is it all ok, because jealousy, and the fear of getting left behind is what drives us to do better, aim higher, and improve the quality of our lives? Even, to stretch a point, realize our potential?
Or is it, like everything else in Indian philosophy, a matter of balance?
Argumentative Indians that we are, we could debate these questions forever.
Meanwhile, let us all just keep our shirt, our socks, our teeth, our skin and whatever else we need to stay ahead, more “safed” (white) than the next guy’s.
All in the Great Indian Family: Published articles/DNA 4
Article in DNA, Jan24, 07
All in the Great Indian Family!
The announcement of the engagement of Abhishek Bachchan and Aiswarya Rai
opens up a world of the most exciting opportunities for the Indian advertising industry and it is now up to advertisers and the Great First Family of the Indian Subconscious to shape the future of family values in the country.
First, we quickly need a new company – ABJBABABCL - that will strike package deals for all four Bachchans to appear together, or in combinations. Before the wedding invitations get printed, we need the Official Camera, the Official Paan Masala, the Official Nail Polish and the Official Dishwash Bar.
Some key questions arise. Having blown the whistle as it were and told the male species to look after the dal in the pressure cooker, will Ash continue to drive the rise and revenge of the Indian woman – get him to wash clothes and make Sunday meals, or will she become the good wife? Let’s see… she can remind him about the insurance premium, and he can buy her foot cream – this will really prove that they are made for each other. She can make him run in the park and help him to reduce all the weight he had to put on for his recent success, and we do hope she’ll look after him with the right cooking oil. Or will she keep him on a leash and expect him to sit when she says sit? Will he listen to cricket commentary over their anniversary dinner or will he rub her back pain away? Will she win him over with the right atta as rishvath, or will she lock him out of the bedroom for an air conditioner? Let’s just hope we save ourselves from them fighting over their mobile phone on their wedding night, and let’s hope their bedroom has the right switches. Hopefully, he won’t be so foolish as to ask her to throw his handkerchief down the balcony without breaking it. Nett, nett, my psepho-wedding-ology prediction is that men won’t be portrayed as such idiots, and women won’t be portrayed as such shrews. A new, loving, equal relationship between man and wife will emerge. Much advertising will start looking rosy.
In fact, this wedding will not only herald the return of the Great Indian Husband Wife Relationship but the Great Indian Saas Bahu also. Please, please, please may we have a special appearance in Kyunki…? Let us pray that no quarrel breaks out over whose masala smells better. We really don’t want to put the new groom in an unnecessary emotional dilemma …however we have to give We The People a chance to express their opinion. If you think Ash’s cooking will be better - sms ABAB, if you are on the ma-in-law’s side - sms JBAB. The best slogan will win an invitation to The Big Fight!
Of course, the elder couple will be standing in the background, while the young ones take their first housing loan. As time progresses, hopefully she won’t be so coy as to need a baby cup of coffee to tell him the “good news”. And no two guesses which car they will be in, when they drive to hospital to see the first-born. But we do look forward to an occasional chatar patar in grandma’s mouth to reveal family secrets.
A word of caution though, to the elder AB: no KANK type advise please, because according to marital therapists, Indian housewives take his advise very seriously, and we certainly don’t want Ash doing any of that.
Which is why leading advertising industry representatives will be gifting the Jodi Number One a tube of Fevicol - because there is nothing we want more than for them to be stuck together, forever.
All in the Great Indian Family!
The announcement of the engagement of Abhishek Bachchan and Aiswarya Rai
opens up a world of the most exciting opportunities for the Indian advertising industry and it is now up to advertisers and the Great First Family of the Indian Subconscious to shape the future of family values in the country.
First, we quickly need a new company – ABJBABABCL - that will strike package deals for all four Bachchans to appear together, or in combinations. Before the wedding invitations get printed, we need the Official Camera, the Official Paan Masala, the Official Nail Polish and the Official Dishwash Bar.
Some key questions arise. Having blown the whistle as it were and told the male species to look after the dal in the pressure cooker, will Ash continue to drive the rise and revenge of the Indian woman – get him to wash clothes and make Sunday meals, or will she become the good wife? Let’s see… she can remind him about the insurance premium, and he can buy her foot cream – this will really prove that they are made for each other. She can make him run in the park and help him to reduce all the weight he had to put on for his recent success, and we do hope she’ll look after him with the right cooking oil. Or will she keep him on a leash and expect him to sit when she says sit? Will he listen to cricket commentary over their anniversary dinner or will he rub her back pain away? Will she win him over with the right atta as rishvath, or will she lock him out of the bedroom for an air conditioner? Let’s just hope we save ourselves from them fighting over their mobile phone on their wedding night, and let’s hope their bedroom has the right switches. Hopefully, he won’t be so foolish as to ask her to throw his handkerchief down the balcony without breaking it. Nett, nett, my psepho-wedding-ology prediction is that men won’t be portrayed as such idiots, and women won’t be portrayed as such shrews. A new, loving, equal relationship between man and wife will emerge. Much advertising will start looking rosy.
In fact, this wedding will not only herald the return of the Great Indian Husband Wife Relationship but the Great Indian Saas Bahu also. Please, please, please may we have a special appearance in Kyunki…? Let us pray that no quarrel breaks out over whose masala smells better. We really don’t want to put the new groom in an unnecessary emotional dilemma …however we have to give We The People a chance to express their opinion. If you think Ash’s cooking will be better - sms ABAB, if you are on the ma-in-law’s side - sms JBAB. The best slogan will win an invitation to The Big Fight!
Of course, the elder couple will be standing in the background, while the young ones take their first housing loan. As time progresses, hopefully she won’t be so coy as to need a baby cup of coffee to tell him the “good news”. And no two guesses which car they will be in, when they drive to hospital to see the first-born. But we do look forward to an occasional chatar patar in grandma’s mouth to reveal family secrets.
A word of caution though, to the elder AB: no KANK type advise please, because according to marital therapists, Indian housewives take his advise very seriously, and we certainly don’t want Ash doing any of that.
Which is why leading advertising industry representatives will be gifting the Jodi Number One a tube of Fevicol - because there is nothing we want more than for them to be stuck together, forever.
Advertising and the Great Indian First Night: Published articles/DNA 3
Article in DNA, Aug 16, 06
Advertising and The Great Indian First Night
The Hanes Underwear commercial, set in the Great Indian First Night, must surely be helping millions of young Indian couples prepare with bated anticipation for their own equivalent.
Now all the guys will make sure that they buy underwear without tags on the inner side, so that they don’t have to pull out a pair of scissors and scare the poor innocent young thing.
And all the brides will make sure they go to Twinkle Beauty Parlour, just so that he doesn’t bolt out of the room in horror.
Poor Zeenat Aman, if only she had had No Marks on her wedding night, Satyam Sivam Sundaram would have been a different story. Or at least, she should have been shown the Femina Woman on Top commercial before she went in. That’s the problem. There weren’t enough confident and empowering women’s brands those days. But to be fair, Shashi Kapoor was an affable and handsome chap, and he deserved better. No one gifted him a Maxima watch – he had to realize “life mein koi guarantee nahin” on his wedding night.
But really, the Indian Advertising Industry has not explored the wedding night to its full potential.
They have been too shy, and stopped short at the wedding dance or the wedding fire or the wedding reception. Surely, all the diamonds and the foot creams and the paan masalas and the cameras and the condoms and the Perks could have dared to get into the bedroom.
Definitely, we would so much rather have seen Bipasha and John in their bedroom arguing over hai or nahin hai, even if it was Shaadi se Pehle. And the Fallen Hair could have been on the pillow. Because, if she finds his suitings more heavenly than him, then he should strike back – with pillows so soft that he would rather cuddle them. And why not sheets? Mera walla white! (Co sponsored by Ariel mehendi). Mattresses. So comfortable that they both fall asleep. Agarbathis. Fruits. Door bolts. Windows. Microsoft Windows! Fans. Deodorants. Air conditioners. Hawaii chappals. Mosquito coils. Moov-es. Light switches – dimag ki batti jala de! Tiles! Love at first sight. Cars! Go fida! And what about Made For Each Other? Just think of the number of years they wasted reading polish joke books on the sofa, when they could have been reading the kama sutra, entwined on the elaborately decorated wedding bed.
If Hanes can disturb him, surely Itchguard need not be far behind. And what about the baniyaaan? That’s really “andar ka mamla”. That really should have been a First Night ad.
Of course, all preparing couples know that there better be Vim Bar to wash the wedding dinner vessels, so that they are not unnecessarily disturbed. Or if not, at least they should be looking around for sound-proof paints, because walls have ears, and “har raat kuch kehti hai”.
As she approaches her beloved with the proverbial glass of milk – or given today’s reversal of fortunes, should he be approaching her with it? In any case, they could both together break into “doodh doodh doodh”.
He could of course ask her “kya aap close up karthe hain?”
And, again following the reversal of fortunes, he could be slapped with a “dubara math poochna”.
And what about Nike? Nike should use The Great Indian First Night. After all, they are forever saying, “Just do it”.
Forget Prestige Pressure Cookers. Max Lubricants should be more imaginative. ‘Jo biwi se kare pyaar woh kaise kare inkaar?”
But whatever it is, end of the day, all said and done, India is still India and our values are strong. So the Bharatiya Nari on her wedding night, will promise “wherever you go, my network follows”.
But then again, following the reversal of fortunes, Man may be left with his Best Friend only!
Advertising and The Great Indian First Night
The Hanes Underwear commercial, set in the Great Indian First Night, must surely be helping millions of young Indian couples prepare with bated anticipation for their own equivalent.
Now all the guys will make sure that they buy underwear without tags on the inner side, so that they don’t have to pull out a pair of scissors and scare the poor innocent young thing.
And all the brides will make sure they go to Twinkle Beauty Parlour, just so that he doesn’t bolt out of the room in horror.
Poor Zeenat Aman, if only she had had No Marks on her wedding night, Satyam Sivam Sundaram would have been a different story. Or at least, she should have been shown the Femina Woman on Top commercial before she went in. That’s the problem. There weren’t enough confident and empowering women’s brands those days. But to be fair, Shashi Kapoor was an affable and handsome chap, and he deserved better. No one gifted him a Maxima watch – he had to realize “life mein koi guarantee nahin” on his wedding night.
But really, the Indian Advertising Industry has not explored the wedding night to its full potential.
They have been too shy, and stopped short at the wedding dance or the wedding fire or the wedding reception. Surely, all the diamonds and the foot creams and the paan masalas and the cameras and the condoms and the Perks could have dared to get into the bedroom.
Definitely, we would so much rather have seen Bipasha and John in their bedroom arguing over hai or nahin hai, even if it was Shaadi se Pehle. And the Fallen Hair could have been on the pillow. Because, if she finds his suitings more heavenly than him, then he should strike back – with pillows so soft that he would rather cuddle them. And why not sheets? Mera walla white! (Co sponsored by Ariel mehendi). Mattresses. So comfortable that they both fall asleep. Agarbathis. Fruits. Door bolts. Windows. Microsoft Windows! Fans. Deodorants. Air conditioners. Hawaii chappals. Mosquito coils. Moov-es. Light switches – dimag ki batti jala de! Tiles! Love at first sight. Cars! Go fida! And what about Made For Each Other? Just think of the number of years they wasted reading polish joke books on the sofa, when they could have been reading the kama sutra, entwined on the elaborately decorated wedding bed.
If Hanes can disturb him, surely Itchguard need not be far behind. And what about the baniyaaan? That’s really “andar ka mamla”. That really should have been a First Night ad.
Of course, all preparing couples know that there better be Vim Bar to wash the wedding dinner vessels, so that they are not unnecessarily disturbed. Or if not, at least they should be looking around for sound-proof paints, because walls have ears, and “har raat kuch kehti hai”.
As she approaches her beloved with the proverbial glass of milk – or given today’s reversal of fortunes, should he be approaching her with it? In any case, they could both together break into “doodh doodh doodh”.
He could of course ask her “kya aap close up karthe hain?”
And, again following the reversal of fortunes, he could be slapped with a “dubara math poochna”.
And what about Nike? Nike should use The Great Indian First Night. After all, they are forever saying, “Just do it”.
Forget Prestige Pressure Cookers. Max Lubricants should be more imaginative. ‘Jo biwi se kare pyaar woh kaise kare inkaar?”
But whatever it is, end of the day, all said and done, India is still India and our values are strong. So the Bharatiya Nari on her wedding night, will promise “wherever you go, my network follows”.
But then again, following the reversal of fortunes, Man may be left with his Best Friend only!
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