Here an ad, there an ad, everywhere an ad: Published articles/Times of India 3

Article in The Times of India, Nov 3, 07

The other day a visit to the temple taught me something about innovative media, and surprising touch points: the small, three inches by two inches kumkum paper packets were branded! They had an advertising message! While one part of me thought “Wow, what an idea”, the other part thought, “Oh My God” (literally!). I always knew God was omnipotent, but THIS omnipotent? What are we as an industry DOING? Cutting through clutter or adding more clutter?

Think about it. Every bit of a cricket ground – the green, the stumps, the bats, the shirts, the caps, the shoes, the bags, the umpire, the scoreboard, the commentators. But you know, there are still some exciting opportunities left. The pocket! The pockets are still available. Their shirt pockets should be branded - by a bank. “ABC Bank: We line your pockets”. What about inside the team bus? Some wealth management company should take that. What about the sunburn paint-like cream on their face? In fact, the cheeks should be sponsored by a men’s fairness cream. What about the foreheads? Waiting to be taken by someone who can say “We change your destiny”. And why only tangible, animate things. Why not the inanimate? Yes, we can call it Inanimate Marketing. Inanimate Marketing is the opportunity for brands to associate with feelings and emotions – after all, finally, a brand needs feelings and emotions, not just bats and stumps. “This feeling controlled by Gussa Anger Management Associates”. The “Spirit of Aggression” – brought to you by High Spirits Whisky. Oh no, that’s not allowed. And feelings of loss too. “Feeling lost? Coping Systems Pvt Ltd”.

What about tennis? Is the gut of the racket and the net coloured in a way so as to reveal some brand name? Chess: the squares in the chess board should be branded by “Checked Shirts Inc: Checks to attract Mates”.

There is so much space left in airports still. Only the walls, the luggage belts, the escalators, the tickets, the newspapers, the buses, the aerobridge and the food has been taken. Microsoft should take the windows in aircrafts. A furnishing brand gets the seat covers of course. Or a recruitment ad “Are you sitting in the hot seat?”. An insurance brand can take the blankets and pillows: peace of mind. A sore throat remedy can take the pilot’s voice. And I just read today that there are new medicines for phobias, including flying phobia. Another fabulous opportunity for Inanimate Marketing! “This fear relieved by Banish Nasal Spray”. And should the landing be a close shave… well a close shave must take it, isn’t it?

What about Parliament? Nobody has thought of branding Parliament sessions. What an amazing new media innovation. And why not new born babies? When new born babies are first brought to their mother, they should be tagged with baby product brands. But that’s only if they are willing to pay more than the bank, the insurance company, the telecom company and the printer brand.

Oh My God! So many opportunities still left. I’m starting a new company: Omnipotent Media Marketing Pvt Ltd. What you didn’t know was this article was as ad for that company. HA! Innovative or intrusive? If you feel angry and are against Intrusive Marketing call 1100; if you feel happy and are all for Innovative Marketing call 2200; if you feel this needs further debate call Big Fight Marketing at 3300. If you want to escape from all this nonsense, no problem. SMS Escape to 4400.